What if your family was more like a team, with roles and rituals to keep it running smoothly?

Shifting from being a lone ranger roaming through the world to becoming a stepdad and dad—while living with my partner, two teenage girls, a baby, and my 76-year-old mom—has been one of the biggest blessings of my life. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t find it daunting at the beginning.
I’ve had a lot of experience facilitating workshops—lean, design thinking, sprints, team-building, culture building—you name it, I’ve probably done a few.
So it got me thinking: could I apply what I learned working with corporate and startup teams to my family? Isn’t a family just a team?

Family Roles

In a family, we also have roles, job descriptions, fears, and anxieties. So what if I treated this as a team and started looking at the “jobs”?

• Kids: Their job is to develop as people, gain skills, build self-esteem and curiosity, and prepare to create fulfilling adult lives. - Grandma: Her job is to enjoy her retired years, stay physically and mentally fit, share her wisdom and energy, and feel engaged and useful. - Parents (my partner and me): Our job is to lead the team, listen to the other members, support each other, and nurture our relationship.

Trying the “Stinky Fish” Exercise

When we moved in together, I brought this idea to the table and suggested we try a workshop format that Eva had once introduced to me: Stinky Fish. The exercise asks:

“What fears and anxieties do you have about our future as a family?”
At the beginning of our journey together, the answers we heard included:

• “I’m afraid of being left behind.” - “I’m afraid I will no longer have peace in my house.” - “I’m afraid I’ll lose my freedom.” - “I’m afraid of chaos in the house.” - “I’m afraid the dogs will make a mess.”
  …and many more. These were invaluable insights we could address and later revisit to check how everyone was feeling.

Our First Steps as a Family

My partner and I made notes and decided on steps to prevent these fears from becoming reality. A few things we came up with:

• Dedicated evenings with each of the girls every week (my partner). - Going out for lunch or ice cream with each of the girls (me). - Walking the dogs for 2 hours a day during the first month; they had to stay on the balcony when at home. - Encouraging the girls to invite their friends, so they’d feel it was their home. - Closing more doors so my mom could have quiet in the evening.
  I am grateful for having a background in facilitation, as I can structure interactions which really have no manual—like family life. And so our blended family journey began.

Want to Try This with Your Family?

Here are some guiding questions you can explore together:

• What “job” does everybody in the family have? - What fears or anxieties do they have about your shared future? (Write them down together – here’s the link: Stinky Fish – SessionLab) - How can you prevent these fears from coming true, or create a safe way to talk about them when they come up?